Mr. Yancey, I have been coming to your blog every day and you are such a blessing. This time period has helped me.

I realize more clearly that the churches that I was in were doing processes of thought that were making things so much harder for me. I wish this woman had a church. I would stand at the door and give hugs, which was one of my ministry jobs at my old church. (The shyest person in the room, but I liked giving hugs.)

I am going to move out of your blog and let you work on your memoirs now. Your mind has helped my mind to understand things better, but I already knew that might happen. That is why I came here.

You’re right–it’s confusing! We produced the Study Guide mainly for individual or group study shortly after the book came out. Then the publisher decided to do a video series, and produced new guides, as you’ve frustratingly discovered. I’m sorry about the hassle. I’m passing along your suggestion to the publisher. I’ll send you a private email separately.
–Philip

Well said, Kay. Maybe you should considering writing a book!
–Philip

Dear Mr Yancey -I appreciate your book and the attempt to look at why people have developed a negative perspective of Christianity. I regret that happening, but I can’t totally agree that it is because believers are becoming more secular as some Christians perceive. I see it happening also because of what they see lacking (love) and what they hear expressed out of the church (hate) and you did address that in your writing. I can tell you what I am told and what I have experienced myself that moved me away (not away from Christianity, but away from a theology/ideology that was doing harm to me and others I know). I find people aren’t against Jesus, but against how his religion is being lived out. The church I left after 35 years had turned more fundamentalist than it was in the beginning under new leadership. Of all the sermons I heard in several months, all but three had digs and jokes made against homosexuals (and the congregation chimed in with snickers and their own blows). I can’t be on board with them because I personally have the understanding that sexual orientation is biologically not a choice, and not something a person converts from, and that the verses used to condemn come from a different hermeneutic lens for the culture of the time written than what families are experiencing in their reality now. I also believe the choices given — to wear a mask faking heterosexuality (so we will be comfortable with them) or stay celibate aren’t edicts that we even put on heterosexuals (e.g., how many weddings have you been to that have engaged in premarital sex, or how many remarried divorcees are welcomed?). But a fundamentalist said giving them grace (as you suggest) is cheap grace.

I have lived and witnessed the harsh harm the church has done psychologically to them and the fruit has been suicides, divisions, and homelessness from rejecting them. (I also heard a lot of hate expressed against Muslims and President Obama and hateful rhetoric on Christians’ Facebook pages – but they think this is righteous behavior). I intentionally found a church that welcomes gay families and treats them like anyone else. I don’t fit the party line of “religious right” (although I used to vote Republican often) and I no longer fit after that became a majority in my former church. Also too often I heard it said openly that certain other Christians are “not real Christians” and any who differ in beliefs are “out,” not “in” (of course they think they are “in” because they think they believe the “right” things, but I think only Christ determines such judgments). And they said these people are going to hell with a bit too much joy in their heart. This type of religion quenched me instead of putting life into me. The message changed and no longer reflected Jesus in his offer of love and life, but turned to being an abrasive clanging symbol.

I ask myself, “Would Love invite a gay family to come eat fish and bread and hear a sermon on the mount?” If we think they have to change before they can be adopted into the family, we should consider how the Jewish Christians wanted the Gentiles to be circumcised and follow Jewish law before they would accept them. It is easy to cast blame on others and not ourselves, but it could help to hear what outsiders (and insiders) say about why people leave. I hope we get to a place of understanding and healing in our relationships. But I think we all agree and know Jesus deserves better out of all of us. And the greatest test is keeping our love for one another.

I’ve checked out your blog, and wish that a thousand people were writing blogs like this, exploring how to be better grace dispensers. –Philip

You are eloquently kind. Thank you. –Philip