What came to mind as you ended with the CS Lewis quote was Rev 6:10. Those who had been slain for the word of God, who evidently knew Him well enough, and were in His presence, still asked “How long”. The Lord brought me comfort through that, when I imagined that I was failing Him in some way when I cried “How long” or “How I long” (for the fulfillment of His promises). He assured me that it was not weakness. He was not displeased.

I also wonder about those who flunk the test, who you set opposed to the heroes of faith. I think it is more the concept of flunking tests. They certainly fade from view. Something in their (the flunkers) lives is important as God relates to us. And for complete transparency, I have a struggle with reconciling the language of 2 Peter 3:9 with the description of hatred for Esau and his lineage. But to use more “I” language, I wonder how many tests I have flunked. I wonder why God still loves me. Sometimes, I wonder if He still loves me. I talk to Him. He seems to talk to me when He wants. Most of it is tender and today, it was playful.

But, I am led to think a lot about receiving the kingdom as a child. Children, especially little children, don’t count how many times they flunk tying their shoes, or failing to stop whatever is so interesting to use the bathroom. Children don’t care what they don’t know, because they know their Abba does. Children may care in the moment when their knot falls apart or their pants are a mess, but they have faith in the one teaching them. And that is what the one teaching them cares about.

When I start to wonder about things that theologians seem to have been concerned about, like losing salvation, or having a seared conscience, i.e. choosing a state where the wooing of the love of God cannot reach us, I simply get encouraged to return to being like a little child, and looking in the face of my Father.

I am 69 years old at this point, and growing younger.

Blessings,
Don