That should never be. If I am thinking properly, I think it really does have to be that legalism got in. Hence the discipline, rather than the testimonies being what we are known for.

I know that what has happened with me is that they brought me back under shame and a sense of never being good enough and things like that.

I had gotten past all that and they wanted me to not get past it, so that I would change better, but it backfired and I went backwards in everything, because I never could do it in the flesh.

I kept trying to figure out how to tell them that I am the one mentally breaking down, but they are the ones thinking backwards.

And now we both are thinking backwards about me.

I got to the part about the woman in Lebanon who read a few pages a night in the midst of the civil war there and tears started flowing.

Back when I read that book, I was struggling with Disappointment With God, but I haven’t had any disappointment with Him in years. Now, I am doing the same process she did, while I feel my mind breaking down and I chose your blog, maybe because there is a sense of immediacy, maybe, because I already chose grace and already am not disappointed with God and already feel like Jesus has become someone I know as a best friend, but I feel more lost than I ever did.

I am more disappointed with me for not figuring out how to do this whole church thing. Watching the prison documentary yesterday, the man on death row, being a Christian who said that he wanted to die, because if they released him, he would murder someone again and how is it that he had so little faith for him to be transformed and the agnostic person who started the prison had ridiculous faith and everything he believed would happen, happened just as he envisioned it and he created an environment with such freedom and such hope and such grace and mercy. That man eating sandwiches with the death row inmate and having palpable compassion on him and even keeping the jars of peanut butter and jelly and talking so sweetly about it is SUPPOSED TO BE Christianity…. [pyasst]

Thank you SO much,
I really appreciate your time and attention to responding to my questions, and your beautiful words of encouragement. I value it GREATLY.
In this season of my life God has greatly blessed me with the luxury of time and resources to travel and speak, as the doors are opening WIDE. The fact that I get to share what God has done in my life is truly a gift from God, and I thank Him EVERY day.
I also understand what you mean about listening and “paying attention,” and so I will continue to pray for God’s direction with ears WIDE open, as I follow where He leads.  🙂

“I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name.” (Revelation 3:8)

Together in HIS service,
Vahen

Writing is my full-time occupation, whereas for many people it’s a hobby or something they do evenings and weekends while juggling demands of family and job. So I’m not sure if our circumstances are the same. At one point I sat down and made a list of ten books that I wanted to write, mainly because I wanted to explore those topics. Eventually I got them all done. In my case, if I keep thinking on one track, reading books, speaking…I stop and pay attention. You know how when you get a new car you start noticing all the others on the road of the same model and type? When I keep gravitating to books on prayer, for example, I pay attention to that questioning voice.

You’re an accomplished woman with a gripping story, Vahen, and I know you have the opportunity to tell it often. I’m sure, too, that along the way many people respond with their own stories and questions. I hope you keep writing though, as you say, there are various forms: articles, blogs, books. It’s hard work, as you well know. Thank you for the encouragement, and bless you as you listen to the voice of guidance that only you can hear. –Philip

Recently, one of my friends was so impressed with What’s So Amazing about Grace that he bought a dozen or so copies and gave them away. I got one. Pretty good. I’ve always rejected the American Evangelical tendency to blend patriotism, militarism, and politics in general with the gospel. Then I saw Reaching out for the Invisible God in a thrift shop and picked it up. Refreshingly honest.

Then I saw you on the Biologos website.

Keep up the good words!

I thank my God every time I remember you.
Philippians 1:3

As I read your blog on “Why I write,” I was encouraged and inspired, and felt compelled respond.
You are a very accomplished author and speaker, and what an amazing blessing to know that you inspire millions of people all over the world. What a blessing from God this gift of writing influence that you possess…

As I was reading, I felt – it was great to get a little “behind the scenes” look, if you will… To see, that no matter where you are in your writing journey, wither it’s just venturing out, or a seasoned veteran, we all feel/experience some of the same things.

Everything from, looking for new ways to grow and be inspired, to, being open and vulnerable, to, re-living some deeply emotionally challenging times, in order to be influential.

As I read, I can relate to “why you write” and I feel, writing is now in my blood stream. However, as a new author, I find myself asking the question, “to write or not to write?”

From the beginning of my 3 year journey with writing my book, Going Farther, I transitioned from saying, I’m writing a book, to saying, I’m writing my first book…but never REALLY knowing if there would be a second.

I have many thoughts and ideas already formulating about what that next book looks like. However, don’t want to write books, just for writing books sake. It is my passion to inspire people to want a deeper relationship with the Lord. And I never want to lose sight of that.
Which brings me to the question, if I may? When do you know there’s another book inside you, and not just another blog post?

Thank you for your heart for God, and your desire to encourage and empower lives. I pray God continues to RICHLY blesses you and your family.

Blessed and highly favored.
With rejoicing,
Vahen 🙂
Ephesians 3:29

Ah, good point. In the hard copy, the notes by page number at the back show all the verse references. I can see how this would be frustrating on a Kindle. I’ll work on that.
Philip

I’d say either that or What’s So Amazing About Grace. let me know what you think.
Philip