About Philip

531 thoughts on “About Philip”

1. I recently picked up a copy of one of your books entitled, “Grace Notes”. in it you state that the High Priest wore a rope around his waist and bells when he entered the Holy of Holies. After years of study on O. T. worship especially the tabernacle and temple worship, I have not been able to verify this fact. Can you give me your source?
   Dr. W.E. Nunnally, a professor of Hebrew and early Judaism made this statement. ” The rope on the high priest legend is just that: a legend. It has obscure beginnings in the Middle Ages and keeps getting repeated. It cannot be found anywhere in the Bible, the Apocrypha, the Dead Sea Scrolls, Josephus, the Pseudepigrapha, the Talmud, Mishna, or any other Jewish source. it Just is not there.”

   • I wrote the book that “Grace Notes” reprints some 30 years ago and don’t have the sources in front of me. I first learned of the tradition in Annie Dillard’s book For the Time Being. A Google search shows that this may be more tradition than history, so I accept your correction. One source from jewishanswers.org, however says:

     Question: There’s a belief that the High Priest had a rope tied around his waist when he entered the Holy of Holies in the Temple during Yom Kippur (to pull him out should G-d judge him unfit and take his life). Do you know the source of this belief?

     Answer: Thank you very much for your interesting question. I discussed it with an experienced educator here in Baltimore, Rabbi Moshe Oppen, and he said that the source is actually in two places in the Zohar: in Parshas Acharei Mos (67a), and in Parshas Emor (102a). What it actually says is that a golden rope was tied around the High Priest’s leg.

     Additionally, in the Artscroll Edition of the Talmud, Yoma Vol. II, on Daf 53b footnote 25, there is extensive discussion about this statement of the Zohar and it’s Halachic ramifications.

     Take care,
     Rabbi Aaron Tendler

     I’m not qualified to make a judgment. –Philip

2. Dear Philip,

   I have just read your article about the death of reading on the Washington Post. And I just want to let you know how right you are, You have no idea how hard it is for me to read without distraction. I do love reading but it is hard to open a book and forget about checking my social media, even though I am not active user. It is one of my biggest concerns that younger people read less everyday and bury their faces into their phones. I am currently working as a teacher and it is really tricky to keep teenagers focus. I do not know what the future holds and I do worry about the next generation.

   Sincerely,

   Betty
   P.S.
   Beforehand I apologize for any grammar error. English is not my native language.

3. The Holy Spirit has been working on my heart today and I find myself back here reading your blog and I love your bio.

   I haven’t been to church in 5 years, I think.

   It has been long enough that I am not sure what it is going to take to get me to go back. I don’t have a sense of a grace-less God and it occurs to me that you and God Himself are probably why. I went through trying to give my life to Christ as a child, in an atheist family, but the pastor of the local church kissed me on the lips and would sneak up behind me and dig his knee in the back of my knee to get me to fall into his body and I was searching for God and walking around out in nature “playing church” and “preaching at the rocks” and didn’t have any safety in my life, but could look up at the stars or at an infant or my own hand or my own wo”Man’s Search for Meaning” and was convinced that there had to be one. I read “Black Like Me” and was somewhat like the black community. I came out of the abuse in my childhood and became so angry with God that I did briefly become an atheist in words, in college, but could never convince myself that I actually didn’t believe in God. I just was so angry with Him that I hated Him and wanted Him to know that I didn’t believe in Him. I laugh, because I used to not believe in the glory signs like gold dust and things that happen, but one night, I was sitting, praying, telling God that I hated Him and I had gold dust show up all over my hands and I know that I can’t explain it to my friends that God knows the difference between when one of His kids really hates Him and when they are in such pain that they need Him. I have seen lots of miracles. Lots of miracles. And some seasons of glory manifestations. None for a few years, but I saw them for so long that I do believe in them.

   But they don’t satisfy the soul. Love and forgiveness and grace and mercy are so much more important to me than any miracle.
   The Bible says we can have the faith to move mountains, but without love…. it is worthless…. and that is what I know….[pyasst]

   • You are caring for exactly the kind of people Jesus cared for. That they respond to you is proof that you are following in his steps. –Philip

4. by Richard Weber

   Background
   I was employed as a chaplain with Bridges of Canada from April 11, 2016 to February 14, 2017. During that time, I was contracted to the Edmonton Institution, a maximum security prison operated by Correctional Service Canada. This complaint describes the work environment at the Edmonton Institution, as well as the long series of events leading up to my dismissal from this facility.

   I first met the founder of Bridges of Canada, Monty Lewis, in 1982. I was a Bible college student at the time, and Monty and I were working at the Toronto East Detention Centre (TEDC) and the Toronto Don Jail. Immediately after graduating from college I was licensed by the Church Army of Canada. Later renamed Threshold Ministries, the Church Army in Canada was an arm of the Anglican Church of Canada. In 1984, soon after becoming licensed, I got a job as chaplain at the Toronto East Detention Centre (TEDC). While serving as chaplain there, Monty spoke in chapel services at my invitation on several occasions. On some of these occasions he stayed with me in my home. In 1988, after 4 years as a well-liked chaplain at the TEDC [1], I moved to Alberta to become the Protestant chaplain at the Fort Saskatchewan Correctional Centre (FSCC). A year later, in 1989, I was appointed by the Alberta Solicitor General to the position of Senior Provincial Chaplain for Alberta Correctional Services.

   In my first year at the FSCC I learned that Gord Dominey was sexually abusing young offenders. At the time, Gord was an Anglican priest and chaplain at the Edmonton Young Offenders Center (EYOC) and the Kikino Youth Center. Christobel Lines, a chaplain with Threshold Ministries at the EYOC, told me about Gord’s illicit activities, and then Gord himself then told me about them while we were having lunch at a McDonalds in Fort Saskatchewan. After further reports of abuse from the other chaplains at the EYOC, I went to the director and other senior staff of Threshold Ministries, as well as to my bishop and to the archdeacon of the Anglican Diocese in Edmonton. I also told my friend Monty, as well as a few others in Corrections Alberta and the Alberta government about the situation. Every one of these leaders told me to keep quiet about it or I would lose my job. Christobel herself refused to stand with me, saying that she was not going to lose her job for me. She even complained to Threshold Ministries that I was trying to destroy her job.

   Having experienced sexual abuse as a teenager, I knew firsthand about its devastating effects. My conscience would not permit me to keep quiet about the abuse that was happening right in front of me, so I finally went to the only other authority that I thought would help: the Edmonton Police Service (EPS). They dismissed my story as a fabrication.
   It was not until about 26 years later that I heard about Gord Dominey’s sexual abuses again. In December 2015, the EPS contacted me in PEI to make a statement about Gord [2]. After the initial shock wore off I agreed to a taped interview in the RCMP station in Summerside, PEI. The following year, in 2016, Gord Dominey was charged with over 30 counts of sexual abuse. [3] Although Gord’s trial is still ongoing, I feel vindicated.

   Despite the turmoil created by my reporting of Gord Dominey, life at the Fort Saskatchewan Correctional Centre went on. I continued to serve those under my care and enhanced the chaplaincy services there [4].

   In 1994, I was introduced to Reverend Frank Costantino, an Episcopal priest in the USA and founder of Bridges of America. Shortly after that I accepted an invitation to the board of Coalition of Prison Evangelists (COPE), of which Frank was president and founder. I became the western representative of COPE, while Monty was its eastern representative. One of my roles was to organize training for COPE workers [5].

   In November 1994, the Head of Chaplaincy for Correctional Service Canada (CSC) invited all Provincial Head Chaplains to Ottawa for meetings. Upon my arrival at the CSC head office, Monty pulled me aside and said, “Richard, we have to compromise our religious beliefs here to get in the door.” It was shocking for me to hear this from a Pentecostal pastor. Similarly, when I told Frank about the sexual abuses by church leaders, he replied, and I quote, “Richard, you are too honest for your own good. Keep quiet.” Nevertheless, Monty, Frank and I had an ongoing close relationship, both personally and professionally. We visited each other in our homes in Canada and the United States, and in 1995, with the assistance CSC, the three of us organized a COPE conference in Edmonton for 300 people from across Canada.

   Forming close relationships with those under my care was always important to me as a chaplain. I have received much love and respect from prisoners and the elderly [6] [7] [8] [9], and have therefore considered it my duty to keep them from being abused. However, by doing so, I have made many enemies among those in authority, including priests, church lay leaders and CSC officials. Many of these leaders routinely told me to keep quiet, and my refusal to do so finally cost me my job.

   It was widely known that Don Westman, a Corrections Officer at the Fort Saskatchewan Correctional Centre (FSCC), made a habit of watching women prisoners through the camera in segregation as they sat on the toilet. Everyone knew and talked about this – lawyers, guards, management, Elizabeth Fry Society members – yet no one stopped him or reported him. His voyeurism, a criminal offense under Canadian law, was permitted to go on until I blew the whistle on him. I saw him one day in 1998 in the Segregation Control Room (a room I was not allowed to go into), watching a mentally disabled female Aboriginal prisoner stretched out on the floor with her gown pulled way up around her upper body, her legs spread apart and her private parts exposed. Again, I was told to shut up about it. When I refused, I was dismissed without receiving any reasons in writing. Westman was never charged.

   Sometime after my dismissal I talked with one of the case workers, Phil Joy. Phil told me that he considered Don Westman to be a cruel person, that Don would make inmates stand outside in the freezing cold in winter for long periods of time while wearing just t-shirts and jeans. Phil also told me that Don would make prisoners stand facing the wall on the unit for his whole shift, not allowing them to move. It is my understanding that both of these practices are violations of Canadian and international human rights. I asked Phil Joy why he had never reported this, and he said that he feared losing his job like I had.

   Around this time I warned the Edmonton Alberta Diocese and the priest at St. Stephens Church in Edmonton not to let Christopher Lance Neal work with youth in the poor part of the city, as he had a history of sexually abusing them. The priest said I was harsh and unforgiving, and lacked compassion for Christopher. In 2009, Christopher Lance Neal was sentenced to 11 years imprisonment on charges that included sexual offenses involving minors, both boys and girls. I also warned my Bishop that the Anglican priest of my own church was molesting young boys. When one of the young boys came forward, this priest, who had a son in the EPS, was directed to work somewhere else. Nothing else was done.

   My refusal to keep quiet about the sexual abuse among church leaders also caused a deterioration of my relationship with my employer, Threshold Ministries. Senior staff in Threshold Ministries warned me to “watch my back”, saying that the director was out to “get me”. Around that time the director initiated a program to “purge” Threshold Ministries of anyone who had had any homosexual involvement, no matter how long ago or whether it was consensual or not. I had been sexually abused by older men when I was a teenager, so I began to feel targeted. It was not long before this feeling was proven accurate.

   To keep from going to the Canadian Human Rights Commission after my dismissal from the Fort Saskatchewan Institution, Threshold Ministries offered me 5-year contract as Community Chaplain with CSC in Charlottetown, PEI. I was told to sell my condo and move east, which I did. Upon my arrival I was told that there was no position for me. The Regional Chaplain for CSC kept promising me a contract over and over again, but after one year it still had not materialized. [10] To keep me busy I took on some volunteer work for a local parish [11]. When I complained about the lack of a contract to the director of Threshold Ministries, he fired me. This meant the loss of my license. Monty and Frank sided with Threshold Ministries, and from that point on refused to communicate any more with me. My position on the Board of COPE was terminated and my reputation was dragged into the dirt. Threshold Ministries denounced me for my same-sex attraction, even though I had not been living a homosexual lifestyle since my teenage years.

   In early 2000 I drove back to Alberta. There I got to know Gwen and Mike Holland of the Fellowship of Christian Peace Officers. Gwen and Mike invited me into their home to look after their 5-year old son when they were both working the same shift. After doing this for one year, they offered to build a small apartment for me in their basement. At Gwen and Mike’s encouragement, I filed a complaint with the Human Rights Commission in PEI. Threshold Ministries was found guilty of wrongful dismissal and was required to let me resign, pay me for two years of wages and benefits, and to not talk about my dismissal. Threshold Ministries did not fulfill this requirement; instead, they blacklisted me across Canada and discontinued their payments early, just as I was having my teeth fixed. As a result, I was forced into debt, was unable to keep up with my mortgage payments, and lost my home.

   During this time, I was required to undergo psychological evaluation. This evaluation confirmed that I was of sound mental health and that I had a “keen sense of morality and a right versus wrong”. [12]

   In 2009, I reported physical abuse at The Bethany Group, a long-term care facility in Camrose where I was the chaplain. After I lost my job there in December of that year under mysterious circumstances, I appealed to the Alberta Human Rights Commission. Human Rights again ruled in my favor; the care facilty was found guilty of wrongful dismissal, was ordered to pay compensation and to not speak of it. I was soon to find out that, just like Threshold Ministries, the care facility did not abide by this order either.

   I spent a year trying to get a prison chaplain position in the Eden Detention Centre in Texas. My Bishop, Archbishop Scott McLaughlin, was to complete the Immigration work permit. With everything on the moving truck and ready to leave, I was informed that Scott was having an affair, that he had left his wife and was living with another woman. This had a profound effect on me because Scott had not completed my work permit. Everything was in chaos. The prison held my job for three months while I and others tried to secure my work permit, but to no avail.

   I was then hired by Covenant Health as a hospital chaplain. The weekend before I was to begin they called me and retracted my acceptance. They had received a phone call from my former employer, The Bethany Group, and claimed that I had “questioned a doctor”. I once again appealed to the Human Rights Commission, this time for defamation, but received no compensation.

   I applied for social assistance but was refused. In extreme anguish I drove east, not knowing where to go. I just wanted to get away from the many bad people in the church, government and police in Alberta who had ruined my life. I could not understand why some people in authority thought it was okay to use children as sex toys, and to abuse the elderly and disabled. I simply could not look the other way when I saw this happening. On the way, I attempted to take my own life with an overdose of pills in my car. A farmer found me in a coma, slumped over the steering wheel.

   During my convalescence, both my doctor and psychologist told me that that I was not mentally ill but that there had just been too much loss in my life to cope with. My doctor told me to find a good GP and to take a year off work to recover. She also noted the life she saw in my eyes when I talked about my work, so she encouraged me to go back to being a chaplain.

   After having applied for welfare in Quebec and Ontario, and being refused every time, I finally ended up in PEI. With $50,000 designated for a home in my mother’s will, I purchased a very small home in PEI for $49,000. I applied for welfare, and again was refused. Friends even repeatedly appealed to the premier of PEI, Robert Ghiz [13] [14]. The only thing I was offered each time was a one-way ticket back to Alberta, even though welfare had already been denied me there. I was finally able to obtain social assistance after my GP in Charlottetown, Dr. Meek, put me on long- term disability for major depression. I lived on $644 a month. I grew a garden and ate acorns, dandelions and wild apples (after first removing the worms). I was destitute and deeply in debt. Friends sent out letters and brochures to raise support for me [15] [16], but very little financial support came in. Nevertheless, I always had just enough and with God’s help I moved on from my depression and started volunteering at a long-term care facility, taking services and doing visits. [17]

   As an Anglican priest and a Canadian citizen with German and British roots, I have a deep respect and admiration for Queen Elizabeth II. I have corresponded with her staff on numerous happy occasions over the years [18] [19], so I turned to her for support. In 2012, I wrote to Queen Elizabeth about the children that were being sexually abused by Anglican priests. I received a reply from her office assuring me that my letter had been passed to the Governor-General of Canada. [20] I have heard nothing further about this letter.

   In late 2015, around the same time as my interview with the Summerside RCMP regarding Gord Dominey, Dr. Beckner from Bridges of Canada called me to ask if I was interested in a prison chaplains job at the Stony Mountain Institution in Winnipeg. He asked me to send him an updated resume. I told him that I did not think I would be accepted, since Monty Lewis and Frank Costantino with Bridges of Canada had refused to give me a job due to my same-sex attraction and my frequent reporting of sexual abuse of children by priest and pastors in Canada and in the USA. However, by this time both Monty and Frank had died untimely deaths and their two daughters had taken over for their fathers. I wanted to do the thing that I loved the most, so I applied. I was thrilled to be accepted, and proceeded with preparations to sell my home and to move to Winnipeg.

   In the midst of my preparations, Dr. Beckner called to tell me that the need for my services was greater at the Edmonton Institution. I was hesitant to return to Edmonton due to all the sexual abuse I had reported in that city, and because of the hatred that some powerful people in the church, government and police there had for me. Nevertheless, he insisted that I go to Edmonton, saying that the need was greater there than in Winnipeg. If I had known of the recent history of chaplaincy at the Edmonton Institution, and in particular Paul Vanderham’s actions against Reverend Barry Rose, I would never have agreed to go. I would have waited for another opening.

   Arrival at the Edmonton Institution
   Upon arrival at the Edmonton Institution I was met by a Mrs. Cunningham, but not the Assistant Warden of Intervention (AWI). We went to the chapel and to my office, and Mrs. Cunningham introduced me to Paul Vanderham, the other chaplain. Right there and then Paul informed me that he had no intention of helping me to get oriented or settled in. I was on my own. I was also never given a full tour of the Institution and therefore had to try and find my way around as best I could. Notably, I knew nothing of a postal weighing machine in the Administration Building and was warned by staff to stay away from the woman who ran the that department. This lack of information got me into trouble, as described later in this report.

   Toxic Work Environment
   In my first week at the Institution Paul Vanderham told me that he hated Rev. Barry Rose, the chaplain that I had come to replace. I knew Barry. He and I had been to the same evangelical Anglican theological college, and we were part of the evangelical wing of the worldwide Anglican Church. Paul told me that Barry was useless as a chaplain and that he should never have been ordained by the Anglican Church of Canada in the first place. Paul told me that his hatred for Barry was so strong that he had to take sick days because of it. I found out later that Paul’s brother Marc had attended Prairie Bible College in Three Hills, Alberta, some 30 years earlier. Marc had gone in as a Roman Catholic and had come out as an evangelical Protestant. Since then, Paul hated evangelical Protestants. I found out from AWI Brad Sass that things had gotten so bad between Paul and Barry that a mediator had to be brought in. Eventually Barry had enough of Paul’s abuse and resigned. For the first month or so I had a running commentary on Paul’s hatred for evangelical Protestants in general and Barry in particular. Paul also told me he hated Barry’s predecessor, Pastor Oliver Johnson.

   Paul also told me that I myself belonged to a schismatic church and a schismatic Franciscan order. These things are not true, and Paul had no right to say them. I was shocked and distressed by all this hatred being expressed by a lay CSC chaplain. I felt like I was walking on egg shells as far as my faith and practice was concerned. Along with evangelical Protestants (like Barry and myself), Paul also hated my contractor, Bridges of Canada. He claimed that Bridges was not qualified to hire chaplains, and that it was associated with the Apostolic Church of Canada, an off-shoot of one of Canada’s traditional churches. Every day I felt as if I was in a war zone. I tried to reason with him concerning Bridges, but kept quiet about my faith.

   I appealed to AWI Brad Sass and Paul for peace. I told them that I suffered from panic/anxiety attacks when bullied, and that I had been on a long-term federal disability pension due to major depression [21]. I explained that the depression had resulted from bullying by my own licensor, Threshold Ministries, as well as my own Anglican bishops, Alberta government officials and the Edmonton police. I told them that the bullying had not just been verbal but had included shouting, physical shaking and pushing, and that it was all because I had reported pedophiles. I also told them that I had been bullied while undergoing “Conversion Therapy”, a form of psychological treatment that tried to make me into a heterosexual. When this therapy failed, I was blamed, shamed and rejected by the groups that applied it to me. I explained that my GP, Dr. Pugh, was delighted to hear about my job at the Edmonton Institution, that I loved my work and could still do an excellent job. I just could no longer handle the bullying and shouting. Chaplain Paul and Bridges Manager Brian Harder knew all this, but this did not stop their verbal attacks against each other and against me. This led me to appeal to AWI Brad Sass about my difficult working environment [22].

   One thing that kept me going was my hope that Paul would not be around much longer. Unlike me, Paul was under contract to CSC. Now, with Bridges of Canada having been contracted by CSC to provide chaplaincy services, Paul would have to join Bridges of Canada if he wished to continue working at the Edmonton Institution when his contract with CSC came up for renewal. Paul even told me directly that he would not work for Bridges of Canada, and he had nothing but criticism for the CSC chaplaincy and the regional chaplains. He blamed them for “destroying” chaplaincy. According to Brad, Paul later changed his mind because he had difficulty finding another job and needed the money.

   Imam Ramazan Tekin did not have an office at the time, so I personally made shelf room and space for him in my office. Nevertheless, Ramazan took sides with Paul against me. Ramazan was very dependent upon Paul to complete all the information on Moslem diets and other customs on the computer, and therefore worked closely with Paul. Ramazan also joined Paul in making fun of the Prairie Regions chaplain, a woman licensed by the Church of the Nazarene, and he joined Paul in his hatred for Bridges of Canada, calling Bridges Manager Brian Harder a “cowboy”. Ramazan also told me that Brian was bullying him, after his daughter had asked him one time why he had let Brian Harder shout at him and say the things that he had said to him on the phone. This did not surprise me, since I knew firsthand that Brian was no better than Paul when it came to bullying others. Brian told me that he could fire me at any time he wanted to, that it was up to him if I kept my job.

   I tried working different hours to avoid all this hatred. It was a toxic work environment, with so many people being mocked, bullied and bossed around on a daily basis. Even one of my own physical disabilities was used to torment me. I wear a hearing aid, and for some time it was not working properly because of malfunctioning batteries. During this time, Paul mocked me for being hard of hearing, shouting at me and shaming me. I could not tell that my hearing aids were malfunctioning, so I could not understand why Paul was doing this to me. Once I found out that the batteries were defective, I replaced them and the hearing aids resumed functioning normally. AWI Brad Sass witnessed Paul’s mocking me over my hearing disability.

   My former involvement in the gay lifestyle as a youth was public knowledge, due to an online news article [23]. One day Paul told me, “You were involved in homosexual acts. Do not ever touch me.” These comments hurt deeply and, combined with my Irritable Bowel Syndrome, produced major panic/anxiety attacks that required me to wear adult diapers for some time to prevent me from soiling myself.

   Paul acted as if he was in charge of the chaplaincy office. The others there had to be submitted to him in every area. This was my experience, and it had been the experience of the two chaplains before me. Paul tried to control and manipulate every aspect of my working life. He told me not to seek volunteers from church groups. He told me not to run any other programs other than the official chapel service. The prisoners asked me to run other programs, but Paul always said no. I did report this to Bridges manager Brian and to AWI Brad. Paul even told me what clothes to wear on the job. He once said to me, ” There is something I do not understand, Richard. You say that you stood up to government and church officials, but now you no longer stand up to anyone who bullies you”. Paul also frequently told me to resign, which distressed me greatly.
   Although I had more seniority and was more experienced than Paul, he regularly belittled and discredited me in communications with the guards and other staff [24]. Whereas I had worked in the correctional institutions for nearly 20 years and was the Senior Chaplain for Alberta Corrections, Paul had worked in Corrections for only four years. One time Paul also deliberately scheduled his own services to interfere with my own, after a mutually agreeable schedule had already been agreed upon in writing [25] [26].

   The Sympathy Cards
   When I first came to the Edmonton Institution I asked a Visits and Correspondence (V and C) guard if I could put stamps on sympathy cards on behalf of prisoners who had no money for cards and stamps, and if I could give the cards to V and C for mailing. I was told yes, I could.
    
   One of my regular practices was to send sympathy cards to prisoners who had experienced a death in their immediate family while I was their chaplain. I would never hand the cards to the prisoners directly, but put them in the mailbox used by visitors at V & C. This way, the mail went through the right security channels. I encouraged prisoners to write down their feelings and to send letters and sympathy cards to their loved ones, to help both themselves and their loved ones through the grieving process. If prisoners needed both a card and a stamp, I would give them a blank card and ask them to let me know when it was ready to be mailed. I would then take the completed cards from the prisoners, put stamps on the envelopes and hand them back to the prisoners to be mailed.
    
   By the time I had given out about 15 stamps/cards, word had gotten around to Paul. When he found out about it he reported me and told me to stop doing it, even though he had no authority to do so. It was none of his business, and I had permission from V and C. Nevertheless, I went to AWI Brad Sass and asked him about it. When he also told me to stop, I did so immediately.
    
   The Flies
   As the warmer weather approached in 2016, we constantly had flies buzzing around in the chapel and offices. The warm weather was exacerbated by nearby garbage bins with discarded food in them but no lids. When I would kill the flies in my office, Paul would shout at me in anger not to do that because they were “our brothers and sisters”. I was appalled and shocked by this demand since flies carry all sorts of germs and I did not want them on my food or coffee cup. I was also stunned that Paul cared about flies as brothers and sisters, while expressing hatred for evangelical Protestants, Jews and homosexuals. The situation got so bad that I took it to AWI Brad Sass and to Brian Harder. Brad agreed that Paul’s belief and behavior regarding flies was very strange. I finally got permission to bring in bins with lids for the garbage, to cut down on the flies buzzing around.

   Anti-Semitism in the Chaplaincy Office
   Chaplains Paul’s father, as I understand, suffered from a form of mental illness that included expressions of anger and rage. He would think that the house was on fire, or some other serious thing, and drag his wife out of her bed in panic. After one such an incident, Paul went to BC to see them. Shortly after his return, Paul’s mother died and Paul had to go back to BC once more. It has been my practice for many years now to have a tree planted in the Holy Land in memory of a friend or family member who has died. I did this for Paul in memory of his mother.

   When he received the card letting him know a tree had been planted in his mother’s memory in the Holy Land, Paul became enraged and blew up at me, shouting very loudly, “Israel belongs to the Palestinians, not the Jews!”. He then stormed out of the chapel, leaving me shocked and yes, deeply hurt. I was stunned, never having had anyone react with such anger for having a tree planted in Israel in memory of their loved one. I had done something I thought would be seen as an act of kindness. When Brad Sass had found out that I had planted a tree in memory of his mother, he was deeply moved. I do not understand Paul’s hate. I have Jews and various Christian denominations in my immediate family and ancestry; nevertheless, we all got on together. Discrimination or hatred due to religious beliefs was never a part of our lives.

   Anti-Semitism in the Institution
   Paul was not alone in expressing anti-Semitism in the prison. Kevin, the Kitchen Manager at the Edmonton Institution, also had a big issue with Jewish inmates. He would tell Chaplain Paul that some of the inmates Rabbi Ari had said were Jewish were actually not Jewish. He refused to give such inmates Kosher diets. On May 12th, 2016, he called the CSC Regional Chaplain to complain that some inmates were not Jews, even though Rabbi Ari had said that they were. Naturally, I defended Rabbi Ari. Brian Harder, the Bridges of Canada manager called to confront me about this, and got very upset and rude and to me. I told him that I had to go, and ended the call. I reported this incident to AWI Brad Sass.

   Anti-Semitism from the Mennonites
   Paul frequently delegated some of his own responsibilities to me, especially for a time when he was engaged in a house renovation project. He told me it was only for a few weeks, but it continued for nine months.

   One of his duties was to oversee the Mennonite “M2W2” program. I ended up covering this program for him for eight months. The Mennonite Central Committee is a part of the BDS (Boycott, Divest and Sanction) movement. At one of the M2W2 meetings, Jim Shantz commented that the Mennonite Central Committee had just been meeting, and that one of the things discussed at the meeting was how the Israeli government was treating the Palestinians the same way as the Canadian government had treated its Aboriginal people. This was an unacceptable comment to make in a prison setting because it could raise tensions between Jewish and non-Jewish inmates. In fact, a Jewish prisoner was stabbed later that same week. I reported the offending comments to the volunteer coordinator, Chaplain Paul and to AWI Brad Sass, but nothing was said or done about it.

   The Couch
   In May of 2016 I returned to my office one afternoon to discover that my seven-foot grey couch was missing. I asked the guard at the main control station outside the chapel about this, and he told me he had no idea what happened to it. I then went to the manager’s office, and found acting manager Graham Spilsby there. When I asked him about the missing couch, he laughed and said, “I am sitting on it”. I asked him to return it to my office, and also told Paul about it when he returned. I also asked Bridges of Canada Manager Brian Harder for advice about it, but he never offered any. Unfortunately, Paul made a big issue of it without my consent. Wanting to avoid confrontation, I told Spilsby that he could keep the couch since it was old and dirty and in need of replacing anyway. I told the Warden that I would buy my own couch; I planned to buy a futon couch from IKEA with private funds I had for my ministry. It was not that big an issue. However, Paul made it a big issue and dragged me along into it. Once again Paul was running the show against my wishes. Shortly afterwards, a couch appeared in my office. Spilsby claimed that it was my couch, but it was the old urine- and sweat-soaked couch from behind the gym.

   If this was the end of the story, it would not have been worth telling. The problem was that I had reason to fear for my life. Paul and former police officer and chaplain Oliver Johnson told me that Spilsby had been connected in some way to the murder of an inmate in the past, and that he was quite capable of killing me. Prisoners also confided in me that Spilsby set up fights between them on the ranges, that he was a cruel man. At first, I was scared at nights in my home, but then I reminded myself that my life was in G-d’s hands, and that I could trust Him.

   Something completely random and yet connected happened to me in the same week that Spilsby took my couch. On May 15th, 2016, I took my dog for a walk in a park in Morinville. As was my habit, I said hello to people passing by. One woman started talking with me, telling me of her abusive husband. She told me how he had abused her over the years of their marriage, and kept her from seeing her children. She was afraid of him and was not sure what to do. I listened to her stories, and at one point she asked me if I would like to see a photo of her husband. Even though I was not interested, she showed me the photo. It was a picture of Graham Spilsby. I was amazed at the odds of meeting his wife in a park where she does not even live, the same week as he took my couch. I have not seen her since. This incident confirmed what Paul, Pastor Oliver Johnson and a number of prisoners had told me about Graham Spilsby’s violent nature. I spoke to all four wardens at the Institution about it, as well as CSC Commissioner Don Head. Nothing came of it. I am distressed that someone as dangerous as Spilsby can continue to keep his position of authority in a Government of Canada institution.

   The Memos
   We as chaplains had to send out memos concerning just about all our movements and programs in the Institution. One day I saw Paul’s memos on the Holy Communion table, just lying there waiting to be taken to the AWI for signing. I was about to go and have my own memos signed by AWI Amanda, so I thought it would be a kind gesture to also take Paul’s memos at the same time. When I came back I said, “Paul, here are your memos. I got them signed at the same time as mine.”

   He responded by screaming at me, “Leave my things alone! I do not want you touching my memos! Do not touch my things!” He said this over and over again. I was stunned by his anger, his rage. I went back into my office, shaken by his outburst.

   Less than a week later, Paul again left his memos on the Communion table, but this time with a note asking me to not only get them signed but also to distribute them! [27] I was shocked a second time; one minute he is in a rage over me getting his memos signed, and the next he is asking me to not only get them signed but to also distribute them. I could understand why he would ask me to distribute his memos, since this is a lengthy process. The trouble was that I walked on eggshells with Paul; I never knew when he was going to have an outburst.

   The Evaluation Team
   An evaluation team from Ottawa, made up of federal regional chaplains and a member of the interfaith committee from CSC, came to visit the Edmonton Institution from November 23 – 25th, 2016. Before the visit, Chaplain Paul tried to scare me about it, urging me once again to resign. Upon their arrival, the team met with us in the chapel. Shortly afterwards, I was taken into my office by Mr. Rasmus, the federal Director of Chaplaincy in Ottawa. Mr. Rasmus talked to me regarding a letter I had written to the CSC Commissioner. He told me that in doing so I had breached protocol; I should have written to him first. Already on edge because of Paul’s warnings, I asked if he wanted me to resign. He told me no, saying that neither he nor the Commissioner wanted this.

   I explained to Mr. Rasmus that I had written to the Commissioner directly because of advice I had received from Chaplain Paul Vanderham. Paul had told me that he was going to contact the Commissioner and the Minister for Corrections, Ralph Goodale. He explained that he intended to ask them to replace Bridges of Canada because it was his belief that they were not qualified to oversee Chaplaincy Services. When I questioned Paul about writing to the Commissioner about this, he told me that this was perfectly okay. Mr. Rasmus informed me that it was not.

   During the evaluation, Paul also told me that one of the evaluation team members had told him that the team had questions about me as a chaplain. If true, this would have been a breach of confidentiality since Paul is my colleague, not my boss (I report to Bridges of Canada, the AWI and the Archbishop, and the AWI). My worry was needless. During the debriefing at the end of the evaluation, which included Bridges manager Brian, no issues or major concerns were brought up. Moreover, the team reported that the prisoners valued me very much, saying that I was always present and available to them on the ranges. After the debriefing, everyone except me went for lunch. I chose to remain behind to conduct two pre-scheduled chapel services because there had been no chapel services recently due to a series of lock-downs. I found out after lunch that this innocent decision further revealed the depth of misgivings that Brian had towards me.

   Paul told me later that afternoon that Bridges Manager Brian Harder had been running circles around him during lunch. Brian wanted to know what I had done wrong to make Mr. Rasmus want to talk to me in private. He was in a panic to know what it was about, not wanting an issue to suddenly blow up in his face. I was shocked that the Bridges manager would do this kind of thing behind my back instead of asking me directly. I called Brian that afternoon to clear up the situation, telling him what my meeting with Mr. Rasmus had been about.

   Paul’s Direct Push for My Resignation
   Paul used the tensions between Brian and me to demoralize me. After my conversation with Brian, Paul proceeded to tell me that the wardens had no confidence in me, that the prison management had no confidence in me, that the chaplaincy staff had no confidence in me and that the evaluation team had no confidence in me. I was stunned, to put it mildly, and deeply shaken. I asked him what he thought I should do and he said: “Resign. You are not wanted here.” I was devastated.

   I walked out of the chapel in shock, to talk to the Acting Warden, Clovis LaPointe. He was busy, so I went to see Acting Deputy Warden Albert. I sat down in Albert’s office and just sobbed my heart out. How could anyone be so cruel and hate me so much? After I told him what Paul had said, he went to talk to the Warden. When he came back he told me that what I had been told was not true. He noticed that I had taken off my clergy collar, and asked me if I had it off because of what Paul had said. When I said yes, he told me to “put it back on and be our chaplain”. Paul’s claim that I was “not wanted here” were clearly false, as further confirmed by e-mails from Warden Clovis and AWI Susan Letendre [28] [29].

   Standing My Ground and Attempts at Reconciliation
   Following Paul’s verbal attack, I sent a letter of complaint to Brian and Bridges of Canada head office. In my letter, I described all the verbal abuse that Paul had directed against me. I also told myself “enough is enough” and finally decided to stand up to Paul. When he came into my office soon afterwards to push me around some more, I walked up to this six-foot something big man and said, ”Paul, you are a bully and a liar. Now get out of my office!” It felt wonderful, but Paul used this later to further discredit me [30], claiming that I had meant my demand to leave my office to be permanent. He himself had told me on previous occasions to get out of his office, and it was understood that such demands were meant to be just for that time and not permanently.

   A few days after Paul’s verbal attack on me, the Warden asked me to meet with him. He asked me who had told me all the lies about me not being wanted and capable in my position. I told him it was Paul, and so he set up a meeting for us. I thought, “At last something will change for the better”. How wrong I was. At the meeting, the Warden asked Paul to speak first, even though I had been the victim. Paul complained that I called him a bully and liar. Then Imam Ramazan, who was also in the meeting, added that I had gone into my own office one day, locked the door and refused to open it for them. I could tell that I was not going to get a fair hearing with the Warden, so I let it go.

   The discord in the chaplaincy office was wearing me down. One evening, in the yard between Unit 5 and the main building, I asked Chaplain Paul to forgive me if I had hurt or offended him, saying that we as Christians need to forgive and to let go of hate and anger. Unfortunately, it was a one-sided plea. Paul expressed no interest in reconciliation.

   Standing up to Paul had further ramifications. Paul told me on December 27th, 2016 that me telling the Warden that he was bullying me was outrageous. He told me that could not “let it slide”. Paul is a large and imposing man. I understood this comment to be a threat.

   Affirmation by the Regional Chaplain
   On November 30th, 2016, I had a meeting with the Prairie Regional Chaplain, Pastor Debbie Tanasichuk, and Brian Harder. I had invited Brian Harder to participate so there would be no questioning by him as to what it was about. I asked Debbie if there were any concerns with CSC chaplaincy, and she told me no. She commented on some good discussions we had had over the phone. I asked Brian Harder if all was well with me and Bridges of Canada, and he said “Yes, no problems. Keep up the good work.”

   Christmas
   Just after the evaluation team left, the chapel was sealed off to have asbestos removed and to have a new carpet put down. We chaplains had to find work space wherever we could. I asked Paul about the Christmas feasts/parties for each range, and as expected it was his way or no way. The inmates wanted chicken but Paul bought fresh salad items in bulk. As a result, much of the food was thrown away, and because of lockdowns there was no feast.

   Paul wanted to take two weeks off during the holiday season, and he told me that he did not want me to take any services during his absence. I told Brad Sass, the acting AWI, about this. I also told Brad again about Paul’s bullying, and how Bridges did nothing to investigate it or to help me. I went on to tell Brad about my desire to run different programs that the prisoners had asked for, and how Paul shut them down every time. Brad gave me a big hug and told me to run my programs in spite of Paul’s objections or criticisms. He reminded me that Paul was not my boss, that we were equals. He understood my struggle with Paul, as he had witnessed Rev. Barry Rose struggle with Paul before me. He told me to “go ahead and do your own thing”.

   So I started “Malachi Dads” and “Christianity Explored” right after the new year. The prisoners were overjoyed, but Paul was not happy about it. He had blocked these programs in the past and did not want to see them running. He said that one of the couples running Malachi Dads was too old, that they had mental issues due to their ages. This couple had the support of Prison Fellowship Canada, Malachi Dads, the volunteer coordinator and AWI Brad Sass, and I had known the couple personally for 20 years. There was no evidence that they had mental issues.

   Even though M2W2 and the Moslem programs would allow inmates from different units to mix, security officer Jenny Reddick would not allow me to do the same for my programs. Similarly, she would not allow the Jewish inmates from different units to mix on Friday evenings for prayers and Torah readings. Jenny, a strict Roman Catholic, complied with whatever Chaplain Paul requested, even when it violated Canadian and international religious rights and freedoms. Paul had turned her off me as he did other staff. When some staff had asked me to bless their homes, to pray with them and to help them spiritually, Paul told them that I was not a real priest because I was not RC.

   Hanukkah
   Rabbi Ari had given Chaplain Paul Menorahs, candles and treats for the Jewish inmates to use for celebrating Hanukkah, but Paul refused to pass them on to me or to the Jewish inmates until the very last day of Hanukkah. On December 31, 2016, he handed over just the treats but held back the Menorahs and candles. Such behavior is a violation of Canadian and international religious rights and freedoms, since all inmates have the right to celebrate their religious holidays. It became obvious that Muslims at the Edmonton Institution were allowed their prayers, but Jews were not. To help correct this injustice, I brought in my own Menorah and candles for the Jewish inmates. Sadly, the guards frequently would not let the inmates out to light the candles. Volunteer Greg Northill witnessed this behavior by the guards a number of times. Rabbi Ari was shocked that Paul had refused to pass on his Hanukkah items to the Jewish prisoners.

   To further raise awareness of religious discrimination at the Edmonton Institution, I reported this incident to Commissioner Head after my dismissal. [31]

   With no one in my own government showing any interest in the rights of the Jewish prisoners, I also wrote to the office of the Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. [32]

   The Envelope
   In January of 2017, an inmate gave me a very large envelope to take to V and C for mailing. The envelope included a large drawing, and he was concerned that it would get damaged or folded because of its size. I examined the envelope, which was pieces of papers scotched-taped together, and knew that it would not hold together for long. It simply was not strong enough. I happened to have a padded envelope that would be much be more suitable and sturdy, so I put the items into it and took it to V and C. I asked the guard in charge about how the item could be mailed out, as I did not know how. The envelope was still open, so he checked the contents. He then told me to take it “out of the Institution” to get it weighed and priced, so I took it to a nearby Post Office, got it weighed and priced, and handed it back to him to mail out.

   The guard then told me that he had not wanted me to take out of the Institution; rather, he had meant for me to take it to the Administration Office. Fortunately, since the same guard had checked the envelope both before and after it left the Institution, he was able to confirm that there had been no unauthorized transfer of goods out of or into the prison. The contents had not changed. It was a simple misunderstanding on my part.

   I was in the process of apologizing for the misunderstanding, when a nearby female dog handler jumped off a counter and started shouting at me “You breached security!”. Here I was, trying to listen to the V and C guard in charge, and she was shouting. The shouting brought other people into this small space, and everything was in an uproar. I told the V and C guard I would come back later and talk when there was not all this shouting going on, but the dog handler kept shouting and would not let it or me go. All her shouting brought in Acting AWI Matt James and a Unit Manager, as well as others. She was out of control and I was feeling anxious at her aggressive verbal attack.

   I needed to get away from this dog handler and others shouting at me, when they did not know the facts. I said, “Stop shouting at me now. I made a mistake and I am willing to listen and apologize to the V and C personnel, but not to everyone else. Others bring in a bag of 30 or more seven-inch nails and a DVD player and nothing is said. I make a simple mistake and you are all over me.”

   Matt told me to come to his office, where he asked me about the nails. I told him Chaplain Paul had brought in a bag of at least 30. At no point did he mention the envelope incident, and at no point did he ask me to write a Statement/Observation Report (SOR) on either the envelope or the nail incident. Moreover, at no point did he say he was going to write an SOR.
    
   Later, when puzzling over the dog handler’s aggressive behavior towards me, I remembered an encounter with another guard earlier that same month. The guard had come to see me in my office and asked if we could talk privately. He went on to tell me that he had an affair with one of the female dog handlers, and that wanted to leave it behind him and make things right in his marriage. We talked for quite a while, and I gave him a couple of books and the names of marriage counsellors outside the system. We prayed together, and he asked if he could come and talk with me on an ongoing basis. Of course I said yes. He gave me a big hug and left in good spirits. A few days later he came back to tell me that the book I had given him was “awesome”. Putting the pieces together, I got the impression that he had ended the affair and that the dog handler blamed me for it.

   I never heard any more about the envelope incident from Matt, nor did I see any report written up about it. Even so, AWI Brad Sass wrote me three weeks later that this is what he heard was the reason for my dismissal. A lawyer with the Edmonton Legal Centre told me that the envelope incident was not sufficient reason to dismiss me. The lawyer said that, if anything, an SOR should have been filed by me and the Institution and put in my file as a warning.

   Much later, in May 2017, I met the V and C guard again in Morinville. As we were chatting, he told me that he had not been asked to write any report on the envelope incident either. When I told him that it was a misunderstanding, he said, “Yes, I agree”.

   Physical Assault
   The assaults I experienced in the Institution were not only verbal. In January 2017, when I was in the V and C area, I saw the mother of an inmate in the visiting area. As was my practice, I asked the V and C guard if I could go in and visit her. He told me yes, and to go to a certain door, press the button and “they will let you in”. I did as instructed, but the guard in the control room would not open the door. When I went back to V and C for advice, the guard there called the control officer and told him to let me in. So, I went back, the door opened for me, and I stepped in.

   As I did so, I was physically assaulted by Mr. French, the Institutional Manager. He threw me up against the wall, shouted at me to “get out”, and pushed me forcefully out of the door and back into the hallway. It was appalling that something like this should happen to a small, elderly clergyman like myself.  I went straight to the Warden’s office and complained, and Warden Clovis came out with me and we went around to the door where I had been instructed to go through by V and C. There, the Warden was confronted by an angry Mr. French, who told him they were searching an inmate. Rather than standing up for me and defending my right to go into the visiting area, Warden Clovis cowered at French, a verbally and physically very powerful man.

   This incident, along with a recent CBC investigation [33], lead me to believe that the bullying in the Edmonton Institution is not confined to the chaplaincy office. I believe the assault was targeted at me because it was widely known at the time that I was one of the staff that had been interviewed by the federal correctional investigator, Ivan Zinger.

   The Commissioner’s Affirmation
   On January 24th, 2017, I was sitting in my office doing paperwork when I heard someone calling, “Father Richard, are you in here?”. I went out into the chapel and there stood CSC Commissioner Don Head. He said, “I just wanted to come and say hello”. He shook my hand, and said twice said, “Father Richard you are a good man.”

   The Training Session
   On Tuesday, January 29th, 2017, I attended a training session led by Deputy Warden Belinda Cameron and a guard from the Edmonton Prison for Women. In this session, it was taught that all breaches of the law or prison security rules must be reported. While listening to this I thought back to the time when I had reported to AWI Brad Sass that I had seen Imam Ramazan bringing a DVD player into the Institution without permission. Ramazan had not obtained a signed gate pass, and his bag had not been scanned as he came in. In other words, the DVD player was brought in illegally. Brad’s response was that it was not my place to report on other staff, and so I said nothing further. I also said nothing when I saw Paul and Ramazan later breaching security on numerous other occasions.

   I was conflicted by the contradiction between what I was hearing and what I was experiencing, so I put up my hand and asked Deputy Warden Belinda if I could make a comment. She said to go ahead, so I told her about how my life had changed after reporting illicit activities at work. I told her what happened to me after I reported Gord Dominey’s sexual abuse of young offenders at the Edmonton Young Offender’s Center, and Don Westman’s voyeurism at the Fort Saskatchewan Correctional Centre. I told her that my reporting had cost me my jobs, my friends, my colleagues, my reputation, my house and everything I owned. My reporting had alienated me from Threshold Ministries and the church that had ordained and licensed me, and the police called me a liar. Very few had come to my aid. I had paid dearly for following the Deputy Warden’s teaching to report illegal activities.

   The Deputy Warden’s response to my comments was to praise me. She told me in front of the class, “You have remarkable resilience to be where you are today”. I looked across at Brian Harder of Bridges of Canada, and he was not at all happy. His face had a look of thunder on it. He never commented, but some of the Roman Catholic chaplains were grateful for my comments. They thanked me for my courage and spoke about sexual abuse in their own lives.

   My Dismissal
   During the week of February 6th, 2017, Brian Harder called me several times, asking if everything was fine and if there were any problems. I told him all was okay, but he did not seem satisfied; he was fishing for something. During one of those calls he said, “You told me you blew up at an inmate, and that sometimes you need to blow up at inmates”. I told him that I did not say anything of the sort, that such behavior is completely out of character for me as a person. Two of my volunteers were present in my office at the time of this conversation, and one of them overheard my comments [34]. Brian did not send me anything in writing concerning Brian’s allegation; nevertheless, Misty McLaughlin of Bridges of Canada later quoted it in conversation with me as a reason for my dismissal [35].
   On Friday, February 10th, 2017, Brian Harder called me at my home and told me not to go to work that day, for security reasons. He said that an investigation by Bridges of Canada was going on, that my life was in danger and that my position as chaplain had been suspended. After talking with Brian, I called the Institution and spoke to Acting AWI Matt James, asking him if my life was in danger at the Institution. He was shocked by such a question, and said there was no security issue concerning me. He further stated that nothing about me had come up at the Warden/Manager meeting that morning, and that he would talk to the Acting Warden, Clovis LaPointe, about my situation.

   On Tuesday, February 14th, 2017, Brian Harder called me at my home five times, telling me that I had been dismissed from my position at the Edmonton Institution. I sent him an e-mail, requesting confirmation in writing. I received an e-mail reply from him shortly afterwards, confirming my dismissal but providing no reason for it [36]. A subsequent letter of dismissal from the Bridges of Canada head office in Fredericton praised me for my dedication but also failed to include a reason for my dismissal [37].

   I made an appointment with the Edmonton Legal Centre. There, I was told by two lawyers that my dismissal was unacceptable. I was advised to send a letter to demand the reason for my dismissal, so I sent an e-mail to Misty McLaughlin at Bridges of Canada. [38] I also sent two letters by registered mail, one to Misty and one to Clovis LaPointe at the Edmonton Institution [39] [40]. I have yet to receive a reply.

   AWI Brad Sass was shocked by the news of my dismissal, and said that it would not have happened if he was at Edmonton Institution. At the time of my suspension, he was on secondment to another institution. Brad expressed his sorrow over what had happened to me. [41] As noted earlier, Brad had indicated to me in an e-mail in November that he considered the issues between Paul to more about Paul than about me [22].

   I also contacted Don Head, the Commissioner of Corrections. He also expressed shock and surprise, and assured me in writing that he would order an investigation into my dismissal and the events leading up to it [42] [43]. He asked me about the rumor that I had breached security [44]. To this date I have still not received the results of this investigation. Instead, I was referred to Bridges of Canada since they had contracted me out to CSC [45].

   I followed this direction, with help from friends. On Monday May 13th, 2017, I met with Snowy Nobel, the chaplain from the Prison for Women, and Pastor Oliver Johnson, a former police officer and former chaplain at the Edmonton Institution. Snowy and Oliver were both shocked to hear about my dismissal, and Oliver said that it would be totally out of character for me for me to “blow up” at an inmate. Together we composed a letter to Bridges of Canada, asking for clarification regarding my dismissal. I mailed the letter to Brian Harder and Misty McLaughlin by registered mail that evening. I have not yet received a reply.

   Sometime after my dismissal, a large box arrived by regular mail at my apartment in Morinville. Along with ten Anglican prayer books marked “Property of the Chapel”, the box contained the 30 Torah study books, Jewish DVDs and Hanukkah candles that Rabbi Ari had donated to the Edmonton Institution [46] [47] [48]. The Institution later wrote me to request that I return the Torah study books, claiming that they had been sent to me in error [49].

   The numerous additional references attached to this complaint [50] – [59] testify to the effectiveness and motivation behind my desire to work as a chaplain in correctional facilities in Canada. I am deeply concerned about the welfare of the inmates that I have gotten to know and love at the Edmonton Institution. It grieves me that people like Paul Vanderham and other bullies are allowed to continue spreading their poison there, while I am dismissed from my position there without cause. I therefore request my immediate reinstatement at the Edmonton Institution.

5. Mr. Yancey,

   I have prayed the prayer of salvation too many times to count, starting in my teens and continuing well into my thirties. I was perpetually stuck at the starting line of Christianity, paranoid about my inability to experience what my friends, pastors, etc. described as a “personal relationship” with God. I thought that being a Christian meant experiencing God and Jesus in the same way that I would experience my human family and friends, which I have never been able to do. This created a big disconnect for me, and I have spent years assuming that the disconnect was a sign of my own unbelief.

   Recently, I came across a copy of your book “Reaching for the Invisible God,” and I was extremely encouraged by your frank approach to doubt, the mysterious nature of God, and the personification of Him that’s so widespread in protestant/evangelical culture. For the first time, I realized that my inability to understand God as human had nothing to do with my salvation and everything to do with modern evangelical culture trying to incorrectly force Him into a human box. Since reading your book, I have vowed to stand strong in my faith and move forward, refusing to doubt my own salvation any longer.

   Thank you from the bottom of my heart from being willing to honestly broach subjects that so many won’t. It has been life-changing for me.

   Best,
   Lindsay

   • This warms my heart, Lindsay. You may enjoy the book Without God, Without Creed, by James Turner, which explores how careless language raises expectations about what an encounter with God should look like. Bless you in your honest journey. –Philip

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