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Kids in Church

by Philip Yancey

| 28 Comments

Where the Light Fell: A MemoirMy new memoir, Where the Light Fell, includes a few scenes from the childhood church I attended, near Atlanta.  How does this compare to scenes from your childhood experience?

My most memorable Sunday evening service takes place when Dr. M. R. DeHaan, a radio star from Michigan, speaks at a weekend conference. It’s like the World Series of church. Our family arrives early for a parking place, and still we have to walk a long way. So many newcomers show up on Sunday night that my brother and I get permission to join the teenagers in the usually-closed balcony. I feel like I’m in a sports stadium, looking down on all the balding heads and women’s hats, with the choir and preacher way off in the distance.

On the main floor below, hundreds of hand-held fans are rippling, like ragged ocean waves. They’re flat pieces of cardboard stapled to what looks like a Popsicle stick, and you wave the fan in front of your face to create a breeze. The front side of the fan has a picture: Christ at Gethsemane, or the Good Shepherd, or maybe a photo of our church. The opposite side has an ad for a funeral company.

Teenagers sitting nearby decide to edit the funeral ads. To air-conditioned chapel, they add, “Keeps the body from smelling.” Next to ambulance service they print, “Oops, too late,” and by 24-hour oxygen they write in, “Just when you don’t need it.” We spend most of Dr. DeHaan’s sermon vying to come up with the best slogans. My brother, Marshall, suggests an overall motto for the funeral home: “We always let you down.”

After the sermon, our pastor announces that we’ll be collecting a “love offering” for Dr. DeHaan. As the ushers spread throughout the sanctuary, one of the rowdier teenagers drops a couple of M&Ms onto the main floor below us. A few minutes later, he proposes dropping a straight pin on a bald man’s head. Just then, another teenager “accidentally” knocks an overflowing offering basket off the ledge. Paper bills float through the air, swept up and down by ceiling fans, and scores of coins roll around noisily on the slanted wooden floor below. Some coins find the heating grates and dive through with a loud plink! The pastor scowls mightily and deacons rush up the balcony stairs to restore order.

That’s the last time we sit in the balcony.

Church services usually end with an invitation. With every head bowed and every eye closed, we listen to the pastor or evangelist make a plea for the unsaved to accept Christ. “You don’t get to heaven by being good. Or even by going to church. There’s only one way, my friends, and you can do it right now. Maybe someone here today is not sure you’re going to heaven. Dear friend, now is the day of salvation. Raise your hand if you want it. Yes, yes, I see that hand. Bless you. Yes, all over this auditorium…God bless you, yes, yes.”

Like a circling mosquito, the speaker’s words seem to come closer and closer, and my guilt surges up. “Are you sure your sins have been washed away? Maybe you’re thinking, ‘Preacher, I will someday, but not yet. Let me have my fun for a while, let me sow my wild oats.’ Or you young people, ‘Maybe after school’s out this summer…’” Fear closes in around me, squeezing my heart and lungs.

The organ strikes up, and together we sing the invitation hymns, such as “Earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling, Calling, O sinner, come home!” Just like the Billy Graham crusades on the radio, these invitations end with “Just As I Am.” We sing all seven verses.

Nothing plagues me more than the question of whether I am really saved. I’ve said the sinner’s prayer so many times that I can spell it backwards. I go forward, and get prayed over by church elders while I keep my hands clasped together and my eyes squinched shut. I do it again, several times, afraid salvation is like a vaccination that might not take. Still, I can never silence the nagging questions. Do I really mean it? Is it genuine?

Finally, when I turn ten, Mother decides I am ready for baptism. I gloat around Marshall, who had to wait until his eleventh birthday. First, I have to sit through a nervous meeting with our pastor, Brother Paul Van Gorder, in his book-lined office. He leans back in his leather chair across the desk from me and asks, “What does baptism mean to you, Philip?”

I recite the correct answer that I’ve practiced. “I want to make public the change that happened inside me when I accepted Jesus into my heart.”

“I believe God has great things in store for you, Philip,” he says. “Baptism is sacred. It’s permanent, no turning back. Don’t do it unless you’re ready to commit yourself for life.” I swallow, and it feels like something is stuck in my throat. I pretend strength, nodding that I’m ready.

Our church schedules baptisms during the Sunday evening service. Behind the platform, curtains hide a baptistry inset in the center wall, and on baptism nights the curtains open to reveal a step-in tub with a painting of the Jordan River in the background.

Four of us get baptized the same night. After the sermon, the choir starts singing a hymn, and we four make our way to the dressing room. We are all barefoot, and the pastor gives us each a white robe. Though the room is not cold, I shiver as I pull the robe over my t-shirt and white pants.

Brother Paul reviews the instructions. “Grab hold of my hand and don’t let go. Don’t worry, I’ve got you. I’ll pull you up. Just relax.” I tell myself to relax, but I don’t know how.

The solemn ceremony begins. I watch from the side as two women disappear under water and come up with dripping hair and the thin robes plastered against their white clothes underneath. It’s strange to see grown women go limp in the pastor’s arms. One woman is crying, with black marks streaking down from her eyes.

I smell mold from the baptistry, and hear a buzzing in my ears. My heart is sliding around in my chest. What if people can see through my clothes? What if I lose my grip, and slip and drown? I keep thinking I have to go to the bathroom, even though I just went. I concentrate on holy thoughts instead.

Brother Paul nods to me, and I step into water that’s cold enough to make me suck in sharply. I try to hold my breath and control my chattering teeth. “In obedience to the command of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and upon the profession of your faith in him, Philip, I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.”

Suddenly I am under water, my eyes shut tight, feeling a strong hand against my back and another pinching my nose, my own arms crossed in front of me. Then I break through the water and gulp in air. It’s over, just like that. I move toward the steps on legs that feel jointless.

“Now walk in newness of life,” the pastor says, and half-pushes me up the steps…

 

 

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Discussion

  1. Samuel Prem Chandar J Avatar
    Samuel Prem Chandar J

    Dear Sir,
    Eagerly waiting for the release of the book. Now I start to read the book a companion on crisis. It gave the great insight about life. This book too will provide facts about the Church on Scriptural basis. Thank you for your efforts to release the book at right time. All the best

  2. Berwyn Avatar
    Berwyn

    I am very excited to read your memoir, Philip. Your books have become very important to my faith journey.

  3. Dani Stelle Avatar
    Dani Stelle

    I am very much looking forward to your book and will be ordering it from Germany – thank you for writing it!
    The evangelical church I grew up in has American roots, so my experiences were very similar. Now I belong to the protestant church and get to experience baptism as an act of love, of God saying yes to us. Very healing every time 🙂

  4. Rachel Rim Avatar
    Rachel Rim

    Dear Philip,

    I just finished “Where the Light Fell,” and was truly astounded to learn your full story after reading so many of your books. I came away feeling both honored and humbled by your invitation into the deep wounds of your life. I will have to re-read your books now with this new lens of what you suffered to attain your wisdom. Thank you for writing this memoir and allowing us to glean a harvest of grace from your deep grief. I am reminded of a line from “A River Runs Through it”: “All good things come by grace, and grace comes by art, and art does not come easy.” Thank you for wrestling with what does not come easy.

    1. Philip Yancey Avatar
      Philip Yancey

      What a beautiful “grace note” you have sent me, Rachel. I’ve waited years–no, decades–to tell my story, and the affirmation I’m getting from you and others eases my anxiety immeasurably.

  5. Tony Beard Avatar

    Philip,

    I’ve just finished listening to your narration of “Where the Light Fell” and I can’t begin to tell you just how helpful it has been for me. I married into a family with a history and conditions astoundingly similar to the home you were brought up in. Listening to your unfailing devotion to your mother and your brother was so enlightening to me. I’ve heard similar stories from my wife about her childhood, and have watched her offer that same love and grace to her older brother, who incredibly has been on the same track that your older brother has taken. Her father, who was in the ministry, has since passed away due to suicide, which brings about a tragic, complicated journey that we’ve been on for the majority of our marriage. Your words have helped me understand why I must give space for her to continue her ministry to her brother.

    At about halfway through your book, I looked your brother up on LinkedIn, and wrote him directly. I doubt he sees those things, but I wanted him to know that he is loved by me, and that his story matters to me. I’m sure he’s getting a lot of that now with your memoir going public, which is great! But if not, would you tell him for me? I love, admire, and appreciate the Philip and Marshall Yancey’s of the world.

    I look forward to continuing my journey through your writings, now with the background of your story to give me additional context. I love you, brother.

    Lives of great men all remind us
    We can make our lives sublime,
    And, departing, leave behind us
    Footprints on the sands of time;

    Footprints, that perhaps another,
    Sailing o’er life’s solemn main,
    A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
    Seeing, shall take heart again.

    Let us, then, be up and doing,
    With a heart for any fate;
    Still achieving, still pursuing,
    Learn to labor and to wait.

    Thank you for walking the path, I see your prints and I’ll keep going in the same direction.

    1. Philip Yancey Avatar
      Philip Yancey

      I’ll make sure my brother receives this note from you. Thank you for it.

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28 thoughts on “Kids in Church”

  1. Dear Sir,
    Eagerly waiting for the release of the book. Now I start to read the book a companion on crisis. It gave the great insight about life. This book too will provide facts about the Church on Scriptural basis. Thank you for your efforts to release the book at right time. All the best

    Reply
  2. I am very much looking forward to your book and will be ordering it from Germany – thank you for writing it!
    The evangelical church I grew up in has American roots, so my experiences were very similar. Now I belong to the protestant church and get to experience baptism as an act of love, of God saying yes to us. Very healing every time 🙂

    Reply
  3. Dear Philip,

    I just finished “Where the Light Fell,” and was truly astounded to learn your full story after reading so many of your books. I came away feeling both honored and humbled by your invitation into the deep wounds of your life. I will have to re-read your books now with this new lens of what you suffered to attain your wisdom. Thank you for writing this memoir and allowing us to glean a harvest of grace from your deep grief. I am reminded of a line from “A River Runs Through it”: “All good things come by grace, and grace comes by art, and art does not come easy.” Thank you for wrestling with what does not come easy.

    Reply
    • What a beautiful “grace note” you have sent me, Rachel. I’ve waited years–no, decades–to tell my story, and the affirmation I’m getting from you and others eases my anxiety immeasurably.

      Reply
  4. Philip,

    I’ve just finished listening to your narration of “Where the Light Fell” and I can’t begin to tell you just how helpful it has been for me. I married into a family with a history and conditions astoundingly similar to the home you were brought up in. Listening to your unfailing devotion to your mother and your brother was so enlightening to me. I’ve heard similar stories from my wife about her childhood, and have watched her offer that same love and grace to her older brother, who incredibly has been on the same track that your older brother has taken. Her father, who was in the ministry, has since passed away due to suicide, which brings about a tragic, complicated journey that we’ve been on for the majority of our marriage. Your words have helped me understand why I must give space for her to continue her ministry to her brother.

    At about halfway through your book, I looked your brother up on LinkedIn, and wrote him directly. I doubt he sees those things, but I wanted him to know that he is loved by me, and that his story matters to me. I’m sure he’s getting a lot of that now with your memoir going public, which is great! But if not, would you tell him for me? I love, admire, and appreciate the Philip and Marshall Yancey’s of the world.

    I look forward to continuing my journey through your writings, now with the background of your story to give me additional context. I love you, brother.

    Lives of great men all remind us
    We can make our lives sublime,
    And, departing, leave behind us
    Footprints on the sands of time;

    Footprints, that perhaps another,
    Sailing o’er life’s solemn main,
    A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
    Seeing, shall take heart again.

    Let us, then, be up and doing,
    With a heart for any fate;
    Still achieving, still pursuing,
    Learn to labor and to wait.

    Thank you for walking the path, I see your prints and I’ll keep going in the same direction.

    Reply

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