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Kids in Church

by Philip Yancey

| 28 Comments

Where the Light Fell: A MemoirMy new memoir, Where the Light Fell, includes a few scenes from the childhood church I attended, near Atlanta.  How does this compare to scenes from your childhood experience?

My most memorable Sunday evening service takes place when Dr. M. R. DeHaan, a radio star from Michigan, speaks at a weekend conference. It’s like the World Series of church. Our family arrives early for a parking place, and still we have to walk a long way. So many newcomers show up on Sunday night that my brother and I get permission to join the teenagers in the usually-closed balcony. I feel like I’m in a sports stadium, looking down on all the balding heads and women’s hats, with the choir and preacher way off in the distance.

On the main floor below, hundreds of hand-held fans are rippling, like ragged ocean waves. They’re flat pieces of cardboard stapled to what looks like a Popsicle stick, and you wave the fan in front of your face to create a breeze. The front side of the fan has a picture: Christ at Gethsemane, or the Good Shepherd, or maybe a photo of our church. The opposite side has an ad for a funeral company.

Teenagers sitting nearby decide to edit the funeral ads. To air-conditioned chapel, they add, “Keeps the body from smelling.” Next to ambulance service they print, “Oops, too late,” and by 24-hour oxygen they write in, “Just when you don’t need it.” We spend most of Dr. DeHaan’s sermon vying to come up with the best slogans. My brother, Marshall, suggests an overall motto for the funeral home: “We always let you down.”

After the sermon, our pastor announces that we’ll be collecting a “love offering” for Dr. DeHaan. As the ushers spread throughout the sanctuary, one of the rowdier teenagers drops a couple of M&Ms onto the main floor below us. A few minutes later, he proposes dropping a straight pin on a bald man’s head. Just then, another teenager “accidentally” knocks an overflowing offering basket off the ledge. Paper bills float through the air, swept up and down by ceiling fans, and scores of coins roll around noisily on the slanted wooden floor below. Some coins find the heating grates and dive through with a loud plink! The pastor scowls mightily and deacons rush up the balcony stairs to restore order.

That’s the last time we sit in the balcony.

Church services usually end with an invitation. With every head bowed and every eye closed, we listen to the pastor or evangelist make a plea for the unsaved to accept Christ. “You don’t get to heaven by being good. Or even by going to church. There’s only one way, my friends, and you can do it right now. Maybe someone here today is not sure you’re going to heaven. Dear friend, now is the day of salvation. Raise your hand if you want it. Yes, yes, I see that hand. Bless you. Yes, all over this auditorium…God bless you, yes, yes.”

Like a circling mosquito, the speaker’s words seem to come closer and closer, and my guilt surges up. “Are you sure your sins have been washed away? Maybe you’re thinking, ‘Preacher, I will someday, but not yet. Let me have my fun for a while, let me sow my wild oats.’ Or you young people, ‘Maybe after school’s out this summer…’” Fear closes in around me, squeezing my heart and lungs.

The organ strikes up, and together we sing the invitation hymns, such as “Earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling, Calling, O sinner, come home!” Just like the Billy Graham crusades on the radio, these invitations end with “Just As I Am.” We sing all seven verses.

Nothing plagues me more than the question of whether I am really saved. I’ve said the sinner’s prayer so many times that I can spell it backwards. I go forward, and get prayed over by church elders while I keep my hands clasped together and my eyes squinched shut. I do it again, several times, afraid salvation is like a vaccination that might not take. Still, I can never silence the nagging questions. Do I really mean it? Is it genuine?

Finally, when I turn ten, Mother decides I am ready for baptism. I gloat around Marshall, who had to wait until his eleventh birthday. First, I have to sit through a nervous meeting with our pastor, Brother Paul Van Gorder, in his book-lined office. He leans back in his leather chair across the desk from me and asks, “What does baptism mean to you, Philip?”

I recite the correct answer that I’ve practiced. “I want to make public the change that happened inside me when I accepted Jesus into my heart.”

“I believe God has great things in store for you, Philip,” he says. “Baptism is sacred. It’s permanent, no turning back. Don’t do it unless you’re ready to commit yourself for life.” I swallow, and it feels like something is stuck in my throat. I pretend strength, nodding that I’m ready.

Our church schedules baptisms during the Sunday evening service. Behind the platform, curtains hide a baptistry inset in the center wall, and on baptism nights the curtains open to reveal a step-in tub with a painting of the Jordan River in the background.

Four of us get baptized the same night. After the sermon, the choir starts singing a hymn, and we four make our way to the dressing room. We are all barefoot, and the pastor gives us each a white robe. Though the room is not cold, I shiver as I pull the robe over my t-shirt and white pants.

Brother Paul reviews the instructions. “Grab hold of my hand and don’t let go. Don’t worry, I’ve got you. I’ll pull you up. Just relax.” I tell myself to relax, but I don’t know how.

The solemn ceremony begins. I watch from the side as two women disappear under water and come up with dripping hair and the thin robes plastered against their white clothes underneath. It’s strange to see grown women go limp in the pastor’s arms. One woman is crying, with black marks streaking down from her eyes.

I smell mold from the baptistry, and hear a buzzing in my ears. My heart is sliding around in my chest. What if people can see through my clothes? What if I lose my grip, and slip and drown? I keep thinking I have to go to the bathroom, even though I just went. I concentrate on holy thoughts instead.

Brother Paul nods to me, and I step into water that’s cold enough to make me suck in sharply. I try to hold my breath and control my chattering teeth. “In obedience to the command of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and upon the profession of your faith in him, Philip, I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.”

Suddenly I am under water, my eyes shut tight, feeling a strong hand against my back and another pinching my nose, my own arms crossed in front of me. Then I break through the water and gulp in air. It’s over, just like that. I move toward the steps on legs that feel jointless.

“Now walk in newness of life,” the pastor says, and half-pushes me up the steps…

 

 

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Discussion

  1. Kathy K. Avatar
    Kathy K.

    Thank you Philip. I didn’t grow up in a Baptist church, but I can relate to so many things that you mention. I became a Christian as a 13 year old, but it was not until 16 that He became more real to me, starting with heartbreak from a teenage romance. God walked with me during those following years, lonely and miserable, but transformational. I took great solace in the Psalms and in the words of Jesus. My faith was built on role models from church as well as from my college Christian group. My true friends also came forth and are friends even now. God has been so good. I worry about my kids, they have made choices that I would not have made, and even now as their mother, I want to physically pull them away. But I realize I cannot do that, but I can pray for them on their journey and encourage them, and love them. All is not lost. Seeds of faith were planted and now God must be at work. Thank you again!

  2. Joyce James Avatar
    Joyce James

    So many memories your story brings back. I laughed when reading of the very natural kids antics. It helps to remember the good that we did somehow imbibe despite the fear programming. I am eagerly awaiting your book. When will it be available in New Zealand?

    1. Philip Yancey Avatar
      Philip Yancey

      Hodder will publish in UK in late October and should be available in NZ soon after.

  3. David Claassen Avatar

    I remember our pastor, a quiet, non-confrontational man, holding up a mason jar of used chewing gum. It had been collected from under the pews by Saturday’s crew of women who had done a thorough cleaning of the sanctuary. I don’t remember the pastor’s words of reprimand, presumably something about treating the House of the Lord with more respect than sticking you used gum under the pew. All I remember is that jar of used gum!

  4. Darcy Noskovic Avatar
    Darcy Noskovic

    It’s so comforting to know it wasn’t just me who experienced the constant doubt as to whether I am really saved. I also answered countless altar calls and lived with terrible fear as a small child. I came to believe there must be something very wrong with me. Can’t wait to read your book! Thank you for all of your books, your honesty is like a hug of acceptance to the small child still inside of me.

  5. Amy Avatar
    Amy

    Hi, I enjoyed reading this post. I just want to say this is the book I’ve been waiting for you to write. In all your books, the little slithers of information of your childhood church have been absolutely fascinating…this is because I have been completely traumatized by fundamental Christianity, particularly the IFB. I feel really sorry for the children that have been raised in these homes and churches. The sad thing is I got caught up in these churches in my 30s. I wasn’t even raised in it. I was somehow sucked in by well-meaning lovely and good intentioned people who had a desire to serve the Lord and share the gospel. Sadly after sucking me in with their niceness they started mutating into a group of intolerant and judgmental people that perverted the gospel of grace by their legalism and ignorance. If you didn’t eventually fit their mould they would start to turn on you and shun you. It was very painful. Friendships were based on obedience. Many times I felt spiritually inadequate. Then I started to view God as this tyrant that eternally disappointed and angry with me. Thank God I saw the light and ran away. Thank God I didn’t lose my faith in God…I nearly did. However I did lose my faith in other Christians. They are absolutely crazy. This pandemic has shown it. I’ve never seen a bunch of people with more hang ups than I did in a fundamental church. I find secular people much more easier, tolerant, and encouraging to be around right now. They show more grace than the fundamentalist.

    Really looking forward to your memoir. All your books have been a great read. ‘What’s so amazing about grace?’ and ‘Soul survivor’ hugely impacted me, and are my favourites.

    P.s I have no desire to sing ‘Just as I am’ ever again 🙂

    1. Philip Yancey Avatar
      Philip Yancey

      I think you’ll find much to identify with! So sorry about what you’ve endured.

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28 thoughts on “Kids in Church”

  1. Thank you Philip. I didn’t grow up in a Baptist church, but I can relate to so many things that you mention. I became a Christian as a 13 year old, but it was not until 16 that He became more real to me, starting with heartbreak from a teenage romance. God walked with me during those following years, lonely and miserable, but transformational. I took great solace in the Psalms and in the words of Jesus. My faith was built on role models from church as well as from my college Christian group. My true friends also came forth and are friends even now. God has been so good. I worry about my kids, they have made choices that I would not have made, and even now as their mother, I want to physically pull them away. But I realize I cannot do that, but I can pray for them on their journey and encourage them, and love them. All is not lost. Seeds of faith were planted and now God must be at work. Thank you again!

    Reply
  2. So many memories your story brings back. I laughed when reading of the very natural kids antics. It helps to remember the good that we did somehow imbibe despite the fear programming. I am eagerly awaiting your book. When will it be available in New Zealand?

    Reply
  3. I remember our pastor, a quiet, non-confrontational man, holding up a mason jar of used chewing gum. It had been collected from under the pews by Saturday’s crew of women who had done a thorough cleaning of the sanctuary. I don’t remember the pastor’s words of reprimand, presumably something about treating the House of the Lord with more respect than sticking you used gum under the pew. All I remember is that jar of used gum!

    Reply
  4. It’s so comforting to know it wasn’t just me who experienced the constant doubt as to whether I am really saved. I also answered countless altar calls and lived with terrible fear as a small child. I came to believe there must be something very wrong with me. Can’t wait to read your book! Thank you for all of your books, your honesty is like a hug of acceptance to the small child still inside of me.

    Reply
  5. Hi, I enjoyed reading this post. I just want to say this is the book I’ve been waiting for you to write. In all your books, the little slithers of information of your childhood church have been absolutely fascinating…this is because I have been completely traumatized by fundamental Christianity, particularly the IFB. I feel really sorry for the children that have been raised in these homes and churches. The sad thing is I got caught up in these churches in my 30s. I wasn’t even raised in it. I was somehow sucked in by well-meaning lovely and good intentioned people who had a desire to serve the Lord and share the gospel. Sadly after sucking me in with their niceness they started mutating into a group of intolerant and judgmental people that perverted the gospel of grace by their legalism and ignorance. If you didn’t eventually fit their mould they would start to turn on you and shun you. It was very painful. Friendships were based on obedience. Many times I felt spiritually inadequate. Then I started to view God as this tyrant that eternally disappointed and angry with me. Thank God I saw the light and ran away. Thank God I didn’t lose my faith in God…I nearly did. However I did lose my faith in other Christians. They are absolutely crazy. This pandemic has shown it. I’ve never seen a bunch of people with more hang ups than I did in a fundamental church. I find secular people much more easier, tolerant, and encouraging to be around right now. They show more grace than the fundamentalist.

    Really looking forward to your memoir. All your books have been a great read. ‘What’s so amazing about grace?’ and ‘Soul survivor’ hugely impacted me, and are my favourites.

    P.s I have no desire to sing ‘Just as I am’ ever again 🙂

    Reply

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